For those of you who love the notion of fat people hogging in-store scooters and to ogle plus-sized lingerie ads, then Heaven is just around the corner! A report on the Good Morning America website states, essentially, that if current trends continue, by 2030, the majority of Americans will be overweight:
http://gma.yahoo.com/most-americans-may-obese-2030-report-warns-114844105–abc-news-wellness.html
Included within the report are some sobering statistical projections. Quoting Dr. Jeffery Levi, study author and executive director of Trust for America’s Health, “With 6 million new cases of diabetes, 5 million cases of heart disease and stroke, and more than 400,000 cases of cancer in the next 20 years, we are on a tragic course that will have a horrible impact on the quality of life of millions of Americans and could overwhelm an already over burdened health care system.”
In the article, analysts estimated that if adult obesity rates continue on their current path, all 50 states could have rates above 44 percent by 2030. Thirty-nine states could have rates above 50 percent, and 13 states could have adult obesity rates over 60 percent.
That’s going to lead to a rather interesting society: A race of fat people, with tattoos, in “surf’s up” summer wear. And the schools will be different. Remember how kids used to pick on the fat kid because he was fat? Picture that the other way around, with fat kids bullying skinny kids into getting fat, so they can all eventually commiserate together.
But the best manifestation of that will be the role that Americas’ ever-scheming Big Business interests will play in helping to make Americans with “more to love”. It will be a three-step process — and I predict it to occur without fear of failure, because it’s already happening.
Here’s Step One: Invest in industries that help make Americans fat. This you accomplish first by investing in agri-business companies that provide food for the masses. Companies like beef and chicken companies who inject their livestock with steroids so that they produce more meat, chemically alter wheat, soybeans, and corn for higher output, and produce products like spaghetti sauce and orange juice with sugars added. Then, you engineer tasty junk foods, sodas, fast-food restaurant items, and pre-packaged meals designed to trigger eating addictions and making people obese.
Next, naturally, comes Step Two: Once you get people fat, you make them feel insecure about being fat. This can be done by cross-investing in brands that offer “healthy option” food items in stores and on restaurant menus. Don’t forget so-called diet plans, wellness strategies, and health club memberships. And remember to put snack food machines in the health club memberships, so that patrons can get discouraged, quit, feel insecure about being fat, re-enlist at the health club, and pay their base membership fees all over again. That cycle of continuous failure opens a new field for investment: Radical procedures, like gastric bypasses, stomach-stapling techniques, and liposuction.
Once you’ve made people fat, and then made them feel shitty about being fat, here comes Step 3 of the process: Profit from them when they get sick from being fat. Fat people experience diabetes, strokes, cancer, and heart disease at rates well accelerated from the norm. We all know that. And for the Big Business sector of American society, that’s perfect! Those sick people are going to need treatment, and someone is going to have to provide them with the heath care options that will fleece them of every dime they have. They’re going to need hospitals and post-operative care. They’ll need health insurance memberships to pay into for years when they’re not sick, only to risk getting dumped on their heads when they do. And they’re going to need medicine, which opens up opportunities in the pharmaceutical industries. Most important, these savvy business folk will have to lobby tirelessly against anything remotely resembling taxpayer-supported universal health care, to fully protect their investment flank.
The best hope that we have as a nation is that a suitable enough number of Americans will recognize that they’re goaded into being fat pawns in a system that cares nothing for their health and everything for their dollar; and then, upon recognizing that, defy against it, pool their resources, and then motivate themselves to produce a replacement culture of healthy people who invest morally.
In the world of reality, that’s what’s known as comedy. We all know that Americans won’t do any such thing. And so, now that about 4 in 10 American kids under the age of 14 are already overweight, and that most Americans are lazy, unmotivated shlubs who love to complain about everything but sit on their asses and wait for someone else to straighten out whatever’s wrong, then I guess we can all count on the tsunami of cellulite that awaits us in 2030. Maybe it’s all meant to be. Maybe Americans should be obese, so that they’ll be more apt to bounce when America hits rock bottom.
